My Stress Levels Are Serious
Ok, so I've realised that my coping mechanisms to deal with stress are heavily flawed.
I'm naturally quite an emotionally unintelligent person so over the years I developed various mechanisms to deal with this. When I'm sad I eat, when I'm lonely I shop, when I'm nervous I clean, and when I'm stressed I cook. Ok, so this is what I have in place, very ineffective but yeah I've been surviving. On Thursday I got some really bad news so I skipped the rest of my lectures and went shopping. I started online and then went to the shopping centre, even treated myself to Nando's and then Creams and I thought it was over. Thursday night I couldn't sleep so Friday I decided to miss my lectures again and clean. When I say I cleaned I mean I cleaned. I swept and mopped my whole flat including my room and the kitchen, I bleached my ensuite, I took out all my clothes and reorganised them, I washed all my makeup brushes and even went as far to add fairy lights to my wardrobe. But it didn't help I was still extremely stressed. Once again I struggled to sleep so I sang emotional heartbreak songs and cried myself to sleep (don't worry it sounds a lot more depressing than it was).
On Saturday, I did more of the same which no success but this time I added a large glass of rosé. As part of my healthy eating journey, I haven't had any alcohol in about a month but I poured that glass and sipped away as I watched a movie but it still didn't help. So on Sunday I took it back to basics: eating. I ordered my favourite Deliveroo meal: Byron's and scoffed that down but the amazing joy and energy that usually fills me wasn't there. So I went to bed hoping to wake up feeling like me again.
So now it's 6:18 on Monday morning and I've had three major realisations:
The issue with me and my stress isn't identifying it because trust me I know why I'm stressed, it's figuring out how to let go. I know the best way is to talk about it but I often struggle to let people be there for me. It's weird because I feel like when I share my issues with my friends and family I'm bothering them but when it's the other way round, I'm more than happy just listen or help where I can. So, plan of action: I need to find an effective coping mechanism urgently. How? I don't know.
Anyway, I've got lectures and uni work to catch up on so let me try counting sheep.
P.S. Thanks to everyone who consistently reads my posts, you're not why I started but you are why I keep going. By tuning in you allow me to figure out what exactly is going on in my overactive mind, therefore preventing me from going absolutely mad. So thanks xx
I'm naturally quite an emotionally unintelligent person so over the years I developed various mechanisms to deal with this. When I'm sad I eat, when I'm lonely I shop, when I'm nervous I clean, and when I'm stressed I cook. Ok, so this is what I have in place, very ineffective but yeah I've been surviving. On Thursday I got some really bad news so I skipped the rest of my lectures and went shopping. I started online and then went to the shopping centre, even treated myself to Nando's and then Creams and I thought it was over. Thursday night I couldn't sleep so Friday I decided to miss my lectures again and clean. When I say I cleaned I mean I cleaned. I swept and mopped my whole flat including my room and the kitchen, I bleached my ensuite, I took out all my clothes and reorganised them, I washed all my makeup brushes and even went as far to add fairy lights to my wardrobe. But it didn't help I was still extremely stressed. Once again I struggled to sleep so I sang emotional heartbreak songs and cried myself to sleep (don't worry it sounds a lot more depressing than it was).
On Saturday, I did more of the same which no success but this time I added a large glass of rosé. As part of my healthy eating journey, I haven't had any alcohol in about a month but I poured that glass and sipped away as I watched a movie but it still didn't help. So on Sunday I took it back to basics: eating. I ordered my favourite Deliveroo meal: Byron's and scoffed that down but the amazing joy and energy that usually fills me wasn't there. So I went to bed hoping to wake up feeling like me again.
So now it's 6:18 on Monday morning and I've had three major realisations:
- Cooking doesn't have the same therapeutic effect when it's steamed veg and sweet potato (however the diet is working I can see a bit of weight loss)
- I urgently need to figure out a way to reduce this stress
- White Zinfandel tastes so much better in a wine glass than a normal tumbler
The issue with me and my stress isn't identifying it because trust me I know why I'm stressed, it's figuring out how to let go. I know the best way is to talk about it but I often struggle to let people be there for me. It's weird because I feel like when I share my issues with my friends and family I'm bothering them but when it's the other way round, I'm more than happy just listen or help where I can. So, plan of action: I need to find an effective coping mechanism urgently. How? I don't know.
Anyway, I've got lectures and uni work to catch up on so let me try counting sheep.
P.S. Thanks to everyone who consistently reads my posts, you're not why I started but you are why I keep going. By tuning in you allow me to figure out what exactly is going on in my overactive mind, therefore preventing me from going absolutely mad. So thanks xx
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