"Fake It Till You Make It": I've Made It
Ok, so I've finally figured out what uni is all about.
Before uni, I thought uni was all about getting a good degree to get a good job and eventually retiring with a nice bit of money set aside. When I first got to uni, I thought uni was all about figuring out the balance between social and academics. Deciding whether to go out when I had a 9am the next morning or stay in and do the reading. Now, over a year in I've realised it's just about self-motivation.
On Wednesday, I nearly dropped out of uni. I was stressed, behind in every module and broke. So, when my mum called me and asked how uni was going I broke down in tears. After the usual pep talk she said that it was my choice, that I'd got to the age where if I did drop out she probably wouldn't find out till it was too late anyway so what I decide was down to me. Last year a friend out mine dropped out of one of the top universities in the world and she didn't regret it, another friend of mine dropped out and just started first year again in a different uni closer to home. However, there's not really anything else I'd be doing. I'm an academic and that's pretty much it. I'm good at eating cake, I'm good at watching films, I'm basically good at living a life of leisure. But until I find a career in that I'm second best at taking exams and memorising facts. I'm constantly told I've got unlocked potential and maybe that true since I stumbled across my love of writing but I don't want to waste time waiting to discover what I'm good at.
Anywho, back to dropping out. I realised that this was the first time I'd got past the 'it's difficult stage' usually at this point I'd give up and just stop going to school. Then last minute I'd realise that I actually want to succeed and not fulfil my full potential. But this time I'd gone past that and I was here, at a new stage. To be completely honest I'm not sure what stage this is. I'm still broke, but I'm working on improving my spending habits because I legitimately don't have time for a job. I'm still behind but I'm trying my best to catch up. I'm trying to relieve my stress by being more organised. I've got a new lease of motivation. It's not fuelled by fear of disappointing my family or my mum's belief in me; it's fuelled by belief in myself. Sadly, this is the first time I've had this. After so many years of faking it till I make it, I think I've made it. I have genuine self confidence. Even though it's practically a sliver it's still something.
So yeah uni is a big lie. You're not there to make friends or get a formal education, you're there to figure out what you're really made of. In short, it's an 3 year long over priced self therapy session.
Before uni, I thought uni was all about getting a good degree to get a good job and eventually retiring with a nice bit of money set aside. When I first got to uni, I thought uni was all about figuring out the balance between social and academics. Deciding whether to go out when I had a 9am the next morning or stay in and do the reading. Now, over a year in I've realised it's just about self-motivation.
On Wednesday, I nearly dropped out of uni. I was stressed, behind in every module and broke. So, when my mum called me and asked how uni was going I broke down in tears. After the usual pep talk she said that it was my choice, that I'd got to the age where if I did drop out she probably wouldn't find out till it was too late anyway so what I decide was down to me. Last year a friend out mine dropped out of one of the top universities in the world and she didn't regret it, another friend of mine dropped out and just started first year again in a different uni closer to home. However, there's not really anything else I'd be doing. I'm an academic and that's pretty much it. I'm good at eating cake, I'm good at watching films, I'm basically good at living a life of leisure. But until I find a career in that I'm second best at taking exams and memorising facts. I'm constantly told I've got unlocked potential and maybe that true since I stumbled across my love of writing but I don't want to waste time waiting to discover what I'm good at.
Anywho, back to dropping out. I realised that this was the first time I'd got past the 'it's difficult stage' usually at this point I'd give up and just stop going to school. Then last minute I'd realise that I actually want to succeed and not fulfil my full potential. But this time I'd gone past that and I was here, at a new stage. To be completely honest I'm not sure what stage this is. I'm still broke, but I'm working on improving my spending habits because I legitimately don't have time for a job. I'm still behind but I'm trying my best to catch up. I'm trying to relieve my stress by being more organised. I've got a new lease of motivation. It's not fuelled by fear of disappointing my family or my mum's belief in me; it's fuelled by belief in myself. Sadly, this is the first time I've had this. After so many years of faking it till I make it, I think I've made it. I have genuine self confidence. Even though it's practically a sliver it's still something.
So yeah uni is a big lie. You're not there to make friends or get a formal education, you're there to figure out what you're really made of. In short, it's an 3 year long over priced self therapy session.
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