That Peter Pan Feeling

So, as I've said a million and one times, I'm 19 and at uni.

As part of my degree I have an industrial placement year. In theory, this means I leave uni with experience and a degree making me better off when looking for a graduate job. Now, to take full advantage of this year I need to secure a placement in my chosen field, ideally at a reputable firm that also has a graduate scheme. So, I can be fast-tracked and not have to worry when studying in my final year. While I can see the long-term benefits in the short run I just want to cry. 

As I said in the beginning I'm 19, this is my last few months of being a teenager and I can feel adulthood snapping at my heels. On one side, I'm excited to start my adult life which I have been preparing for my whole life but on the other side I'm scared. For the past 19 years, I've been told outdated information. The life plan of my parents and their parents of finding a job you don't hate and working in that job for the next 40+ years then retiring, is not only unattractive but unrealistic. There are jobs now that our parents couldn't dream of and ones that we'll create. So how can I prepare to be part of a world that is growing as I'm growing? 

Ideally, I would ride the wave like a caped crusader; adapt and mould the world as it grows with me and don't worry I will. But as I sit on my bed, in my messy room blurting my thoughts and feelings to the internet I can't help but wish that I didn't rush towards adulthood but instead enjoyed being a child. It's weird on one hand I'm excited to run head first into adulthood and discover this new exciting world that no one has any idea about, but on the other hand to wave the feeling of no responsibility goodbye is sad.

Unfortunately, as a society we don't appreciate youth until it's too late. You often see adults clutching on to youth though cosmetic surgery, wearing young clothing and trying to be "down with the kids". Everyone cringes and feels sorry for them, yet we still push children to be adults before their time then they grow up clutching onto youth and the cycle continues. Unlike everyone else (because if you haven't realised yet I'm a bit weird) I clutched on to childhood if I could. I fully remember crying in the middle of M&S in the pre-teen bra section as my mum told me it was time to start wearing bras, while my sister cried because she desperately wanted one. 

Maybe my view is different because due to various bits and bobs in my life I was forced to grow up before I was ready, but I still believe in my laissez-faire style attitude towards growing up. Just let it be. Therefore, I will neither be sprinting nor dragging my feet towards adulthood, instead I will be taking a nice walk that varies in speed. When it comes to placements it'll be a brisk walk when it comes to no longer relying on money from mum it'll be a very slow walk. But regardless this marks the end of my Peter Pan lifestyle. 

Whether I like it or not adulthood is enroute so I can shit my pants or face it.

Think I’ll end up doing both.