So, I've Randomly Started A Blog

Hi, so my name's Jade, it's 6am and I've randomly decided to start a blog. About what exactly, I'm not too sure but once I find out I'll let you know.

I'm 19, studying at uni and just trying to figure out what exactly is my role in this world.

So, this morning I was just thinking about how bad my relationship with my dad is without me even realising. When I was 7 my mum and dad got a divorce and he moved out. At the time I was a big daddy's girl because we have similar personalities so it was difficult seeing someone who I aspired to be like leave. But due to the type of child I was dealing with my emotions was not a speciality of mine so I pretended to be fine and that was that.

Dad and I at 1 years old

At that age like most things in life emotions made me nervous and uncomfortable especially my own. What's weirdest of all is that my family as a whole are very emotional people and my dad as a psychiatrist always instilled the importance of expressing oneself due to the potential effects on mental health. So, the cause of this negative relationship with expressing my emotions is still unknown to me this day.

Anyway, back to my relationship with my dad. Even though he moved out, both my parents (more so my mum than my dad) were keen for my sister and I to still have a relationship with my dad. My mum always said he was a good father and just a bad husband so there was no need for his positive influence on our lives to stop. So, he would come over, take us out and do different things with us so as a physical influence in my life he was still there. But ultimately it was different. I no longer felt that I could talk to him as freely as I once did and especially through my early teen years when he got remarried communications between us nearly completely shut down.

Dad and I at 2 weeks old

Now don't get me wrong we would speak on the phone and still go out but I now spoke to him in a way similar to a distant relative that was visiting. What's weirdest of all is that nearly the opposite happened with my sister, as I got older and started having my own views. As I got older and started learning how to deal with my emotions I started to feel that I was abandoned by my dad and started resenting him which was seemingly out of the blue. At this point I was around 17 so the emotional wounds on everyone were at the very least scars at this point. This obviously effected my relationship with my dad i.e. it started to break down completely but also with my mum (but that's for another day).

Anyway, fast forward two years later to now. Me in my room starting a blog with my 'daddy issues'. Why? Just the importance of not brushing your emotions under the carpet and leaving them to fester for half your life. It's something that I've learned the hard way so there's no need for anyone else to. Currently my relationship with my dad is better. Good? Now that's pushing it. But it's definitely on track.

Yeah, so bye.

Jade